November 2002
It is easy to talk with a friend when every thing is going great. It is a much harder thing to do when they have hurt our feelings or when we have to say "I’m sorry." But letting things go too long without talking it through can often be damaging to the friendship. Consider the following when trying to approach those challenging conversations.
1. When trying to communicate about important or difficult things with someone, think about the timing. Don’t ask mom if you can go to the dance on Wednesday when she is in the middle of cooking dinner and she is already angry with you for leaving your room a mess. If you are upset with a friend who you heard has spread a rumor about you, find a time to approach her alone rather than confronting her in the lunchroom in front of whole gang.
2. Have conversations about conflict when you are able to stay calm. Practice breathing slowly and keeping a low, soft tone of voice. If one person is unable to maintain the conversation in an appropriate tone, take a break and try again later. "Katy, I understand that you are angry, but we’re not going to get anywhere if we’re yelling at each other, let’s both calm down and talk about this again after school."
3. When things are just too touchy to do in person, try writing it down. Send an E-mail or note. All communication does not have to take place face to face. Sometimes it is easier to express your thoughts and feelings in written form. Try leaving emails or notes to problem solve.
"Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and mutual edification." (Romans 14:19)